Päivitetty 07.05.2021

Q and A

My husband has never hit me, but lately things have been tense between us, and he’s been behaving unpredictably. I’m afraid that sooner or later he will lose his temper.

  • Phone Nollalinja, and we’ll talk about it.  You can phone Nollalinja if you are worried about or afraid of violence, you do not need to have experienced violence.

My girlfriend is really jealous and always gets angry if she sees me talking to another woman. I can’t go to office parties or go out with my friends, because we always end up in a serious argument. Sometimes my girlfriend has directly told me not to go and threatened to leave me if I went.

  • Morbid jealousy and restriction of social interaction may turn into psychological violence. Phone Nollalinja to describe and talk about your experiences.

My boyfriend has never been violent to me, but when he gets angry, he may break things, and sometimes he threatens to hit me if I don’t immediately do what he wants. Although I don’t think he’d really hit me, it feels bad. What could I do?

  • Threatening violence is a form of violence in itself and has no place in a healthy relationship. Even if the threats are never realised, they leave a mark on the relationship. Phone Nollalinja, and we’ll talk about it.

My sister’s husband treats my sister really badly. He criticises and demeans her in front of others, and I don’t even know what goes on behind closed doors. How could I take this up with my sister?

  • Violence often affects not only the perpetrator and the victim but their family members too. If talking to your sister seems like a difficult thing to do, phone Nollalinja to talk about your sister’s situation and how you feel about it. Nollalinja is also meant for family members of victims of violence.

I left my violent husband a month ago and moved into a small flat of my own. My husband has turned up several times to bang on my door and shout in the staircase. Can I apply for a restraining order? How do I do it?

  • Phone Nollalinja, and our crisis professional will advise you how to file for a restraining order.

When my husband has a lot of stress at work, he gets angry easily and is nasty to me. He’s even hit me a couple of times. But I’m sure it’ll get better when he’s not so busy at work. Maybe I’ve not been such an easy person to be around lately.

  • Stress or fatigue do not justify violence – nothing does. Violence is always wrong and always the responsibility of the perpetrator. Phone Nollalinja, and we’ll talk more about your experiences.

I’ve been seeing a man for two weeks. After our latest meeting, I invited him to my home, and he wanted to have sex. I said I didn’t want to and tried to ask him to leave, but he wouldn’t listen and instead forced me to have sex with him. I haven’t answered his phone calls since then, but I’m afraid of running into him in the street.

  • Everyone has the right to control their own body. Forcing someone into sexual intercourse is sexual violence. It is important to consult a physician immediately after such an incident, even if you have no visible injuries. Then you should report the offence to the police. It is also important to discuss the shocking experience with a friend, family member or professional helper. You can talk about your experiences in confidence at Nollalinja.

My spouse keeps a close eye on how I use money and never lets me buy anything for myself.

  • Phone Nollalinja, and we’ll talk about it. Restricting someone from independently using money may constitute financial violence.

My husband may push and shove me when he gets angry, but nothing more serious than that has happened. I don’t think he’d actually do anything worse, but I’m concerned that our children have to see things like this.

  • Pushing and shoving are violence just as much as hitting, and just as unacceptable. Seeing violent behaviour may be just as harmful to a child as being subjected to violence.  Phone Nollalinja, and we’ll talk about your and your family’s situation.

I need help in drawing up a safety plan, can your helpline professionals assist me?

  • Nollalinja will advise you how to draw up a safety plan. Take the step and contact us.

My husband is violent with me, but I don’t dare tell anyone, because he seems like a decent man to all appearances, and no one would believe me.

  • Phone Nollalinja to talk about your experiences and feelings freely. Our professionals will listen to you without questioning your story and will not require evidence of what happened. Your experience is what counts.

Every time when my boyfriend drinks, he gets angry about tiny things and shoves me and pulls my hair. Later, he always plays it down and says that he just had a bit too much to drink.

  • Alcohol does not justify violent behaviour against anyone, and saying you were drunk is no excuse. Phone Nollalinja, and we’ll talk about it.

I tried to phone Nollalinja but had to cut the call off. Will you call me back?

  • Nollalinja operates anonymously and in confidence. For this reason, our professionals never see the caller’s phone number during or after the call, and the number is not stored anywhere. Therefore it is unfortunately not possible for our professionals to call you back. Try phoning Nollalinja again when you can. Nollalinja is here around the clock, on every day of the year.

Once when I was in the city late at night, a strange man came up to me, fondling me and making all kinds of suggestions. This left me with a really nasty feeling, and I don’t like to go out alone in the city late at night any more.

  • No one should be subjected to physical or verbal harassment, and everyone should be allowed to determine the limits of their integrity themselves. Phone Nollalinja to discuss your feelings with one of our professionals.

My marriage came to a nasty end after a long rough patch. We’ve been separated for three months now, and I have a new girlfriend, but my ex-wife won’t leave me alone. I’ve made it clear that I want nothing to do with her, but she keeps phoning me and driving past my new home. My girlfriend has reported seeing my ex-wife near her workplace several times, even though she should have no reason to be there. This is getting quite stressful; what could I do?

  • Repeated unwanted contacts and following someone around is called stalking. Phone Nollalinja, and we’ll talk about it.

My adult son is extorting money from me. Since my husband died, I’m living alone in a large detached house, and my son comes around about once a week, reeking of drink and demanding money, sometimes quite large sums. If I don’t give him any, he calls me names and sometimes hits me. I’m afraid, but I wouldn’t like to report my own son to the police. What could I do?

  • Phone Nollalinja, and we’ll talk about your difficult situation and try to think of a solution.

The situation with my partner is getting worse all the time, and I fear that soon I can’t take it any more. Can I go to a shelter? I would have to take my dog with me, could I do that?

  • Nollalinja will give you information on the shelter nearest to you. Phone us, and we’ll also find out how you can get your dog to safety.

I left my boyfriend nearly a year ago, because he was treating me badly. He ordered how I should dress and dictated when I could meet my family and friends. He was also physically violent towards me. I’m now better than I used to be, but sometimes the memories come back and I get anxious. I can talk to my friends, but I don’t like to burden them too much after this has gone on for so long. May I phone you?

  • You can phone Nollalinja to talk about your experiences no matter how long ago they were; there is no limit. It is not unusual for stressful experiences to weigh on the mind long after the events.

I feel that my wife thinks everything I do is wrong. I’ve tried for years to adapt and do things her way, but nothing seems to be enough. If I don’t do things the way she wants, she punishes me and threatens to find another man. What could I do?

  • Continuously criticising and putting down another person and threatening to leave them constitutes psychiological violence. Phone Nollalinja, and we’ll talk about it. Let’s consider your options together.



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